Stephanie in Suwon

I feel like I’ve been whacked across the head by one of those cartoon mallets, birds and stars circling my head. Overwhelmed by schedule rotations, due dates and the expectation that by this point, I’m supposed to have a handle on what the fuck I’m supposed to be doing. I was sitting in one of my journalism classes on Tuesday trying to listen, write, comprehend, apply, watch, learn and breathe all at the same time. The prof glanced at the clock and called for a 10-minute break. I put my head down on my computer keyboard and closed my eyes. For some reason, my mind flashed to a day I spent in a Café Passcucci in the heart of Seoul. It had been a Saturday and I had risen around 6, and crawled onto the 5100 bus. I needed to feel the city, escape, and be alone. I took the subway straight to Meyongdong, and by the time I came out of exit 6 the streets were already alive. They smelled the way so many streets in Seoul did; of coffee, garbage, baking bread and plastic. I sat in that coffee sho...

Media personalities are an interesting aspect to the program I’m currently bungling my way through. We’re a unique bunch, I’ll give us that. High school grads, fresh faced, irresponsible and full of surprises, current active members of the press, drunk on the power of information and the right to wield and disperse in the manner they see fit, biology majors who feel they have deluded themselves long enough and are learning the art of scientific storytelling, jocks, ex-figure skaters stepping off the ice and experiencing trial by fire, army brats, a bona-fide Hollywood starlet, poli-sci junkies……and me. Age gaps wide enough to drive a truck through and I watch them in wry wonder, remembering when I was their age, how much I thought I knew. The masks are intricate and plentiful, vulnerability is a detriment. There’s no crying in baseball…and all that healthy stuff. Competition is cutthroat; apparently there are only 4 media jobs left in the world so we’d better claw our way there. Af...

Be grateful for the things I have Be hopeful…not bitter…about the things I wish I had. Fall in love. Use my body in ways that are pleasurable and comforting; to myself and to those around me. Exercise a lot. Eat food that is healthy and delicious. Everything in moderation…including moderation. Drink wine. Spend as much time with my family as I can. Run the half-marathon with my father. Fall in love. Write. Be vulnerable. Smoke shisha. Breathe, be, think, criticize, analyze, dig, drop in, feel, stretch, smile, cry, twist, bend, break and heal: act. Drink beer. Watch my brother get married. Have a houseplant that I don’t kill. Win something. Go to New York with Amy. Fall in love. Read. Get another tattoo. Dance. Bleed. Lose weight. Gain it back again. Drink gin. Turn 30. Publish something. Smoke cigars. Kiss. Be OK Revel in being......a beautiful mess......... ...You've got the best of both worlds You're the kind of girl who can take down a man, And lift him back up again You are...