Stephanie in Suwon

12 months since returning to Canada. 11 and a half weeks of teaching Gold reading, Gold writing, Master reading, Master writing, and 100 Classics to a bunch of kids who probably had more money in their bank accounts at the age of 16 then I have in mine at this very moment…summertiiiiiiiiime….and the livin is eaaasssyyyyyyyyy………. 10 thousand reminders why coming home was the right thing to do and how lucky I am every day to be where I am choosing to be. 9 thousand, 9 hundred and 99 reminders of how my experiences overseas have forever changed me and how unbelievably fortunate I am to have been able to do what I did. 8 courses in my first semester….conveniently leading into….. 7 nervous breakdowns…which is actually a record low for me……also my lucky number….. 6: The average number of times a day I wonder if the people around me have figured out that I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing….. 5 days a week at the gym + walking EVERYWHERE + up and down 6 flights of stairs every day at work + ...

Lets’ take stock shall we? Snow, snow and more snow. Mom and Dad, the sound of the espresso machine and sleeping in a single bed. New places, new faces, same job, same desire to blow my brains all over the computer screen I sat in front of each and every day. Walking away. Rainbow corsets and Buddy Holly glasses. Beautiful Disaster. Reconnecting with Holli Day. The Calgary International Airport. Love. Confusion, inner struggles, tears and red wine. Skinny hazelnut lattes and banana chocolate chip cake. One job, two jobs, three jobs, four. Picking myself up from the floor. Skype. Hardwood floors, electric kettles and the smell of spring. The green neon. Greek Salad. Dirty Dancing. Butterflies. Red wine, shisha and 5am. Falling, falling….. Love. SK. The smell of the streets. Saying goodbye. I Could Say. TPR. Vogue Slims and Cafri. Saus. Skype. Broken Strings. Desire. The Heart of Life. End of the tunnel. Love. Amy. 29. Smashed and shattered. SAIT. Band-aids and broken hearts. Brunches at...

Vanilla Noir. Red wine. Fake Plastic Trees. VDEO 235. Cambodia. Passion. Coffee. White rims. Purple pens. Audio. Sample sale nails. Red and green. Pin-up. The Missing Piece. Dirty snow. Starbucks. Red underwear. Jason Mraz. Silver Belles. NYC. Wintertime maintenance.. Bing Crosby. Memories. Band-Aids. Broken hearts. ....who you wanted...... I look like the real thing……. I taste like the real thing…….

I've been missing this, truly. School will be done in less than a week and my blessed, well-deserved and much-needed Christmas vacation shall commence. I shall indulge myself at that point. Until then......... ...long as I am erasing this there's something i am bound to miss opportunities exist but often don't arise and think of how it must have felt to watch you walk away and melt i keep it all inside myself and in between my eyes and it's no surprise what we've become since the arrival has begun it hasn't been long enough to even begin to think it's alright i'm only concerned with the way we end up i think i've been wrong enough to know when i'm right so put up fight if you must but we know that our trust is undone it hasn't been long enough i feel as if i spoke too soon and ruined the whole afternoon a feeling that we're more than doomed is creeping up inside and good as it was bound to be there's something about you and me it'...