2009....and my 100th post......









Lets’ take stock shall we?

Snow, snow and more snow.
Mom and Dad, the sound of the espresso machine and sleeping in a single bed.
New places, new faces, same job, same desire to blow my brains all over the computer screen I sat in front of each and every day.
Walking away.
Rainbow corsets and Buddy Holly glasses.
Beautiful Disaster.
Reconnecting with Holli Day.
The Calgary International Airport.
Love.
Confusion, inner struggles, tears and red wine.
Skinny hazelnut lattes and banana chocolate chip cake.
One job, two jobs, three jobs, four.
Picking myself up from the floor.
Skype.
Hardwood floors, electric kettles and the smell of spring.
The green neon.
Greek Salad.
Dirty Dancing.
Butterflies.
Red wine, shisha and 5am.
Falling, falling…..
Love.
SK.
The smell of the streets.
Saying goodbye.
I Could Say.
TPR.
Vogue Slims and Cafri.
Saus.
Skype.
Broken Strings.
Desire.
The Heart of Life.
End of the tunnel.
Love.
Amy.
29.
Smashed and shattered.
SAIT.
Band-aids and broken hearts.
Brunches at Nellies.
A++.
Jimmer-jam.
BAM-BAM.
Set Adrift on Memory Bliss.
Hope.
Love.
Harley Quinn.
Emotional availability.
Truth or Dare.
Heartbreak Warfare.
Choices.
Questions.
Love.
Red and gold.
Cupcakes.
Resolutions.
Love.

I sit and stare at an empty page and long to pour a piece of me into it, onto it. But the words only come in snatches and slices…there is too much to say perhaps. Some might call over share, but so much of art is just that; vulnerability in the presence of fear. Delving into that part of humanity so that others can live through you. The dangers of voyeurism.

Patrick Marber wrote a play called Closer.
Anton DeGroot decided to direct it.
The Universe decided I should be in it.

Sarcasm is my second language. Self-deprecating humor is my first. But there is a time to be laid bare, and put aside the armor. To not only live in the present, but also, the past, as well as the future. To regret. To make mistakes. To make mistakes but not regret them. To wonder how it might have been. To know how you want it to be. To realize that neither may happen. To not be ok with that. To have things you still want to say. To not know exactly what they are…

2010 resolutions include but are not limited to the following:

-to make my home a place that feels like me
-to wear rhinestones as much as possible
-to re-watch seasons 1-6 of The Sopranos
-to love every pound on my 5’2 frame
-to not swear so fucking much
-to follow through…

Comments

Sausan said…
Why give up swearing? Saying FUCK atop of a mountain is truly one of the most satisfying things... except when you challenge the universe... It's ok though. I've never meet a tough 5'2" girl with as much attitude, sassy, and strength as you. yea. I want you to conquer the fucking universe with a glass of wine in your one hand, and an unwavering middle finger in the other.

Happy New Year babe... These experiences can only make us stronger =)

And congrats on finishing your first semester. I'm sure the gadgets were complicated and nothing less but my technologically impaired big sis must have dominated that shit like it ain't seen her coming ;)

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