2009....and my 100th post......









Lets’ take stock shall we?

Snow, snow and more snow.
Mom and Dad, the sound of the espresso machine and sleeping in a single bed.
New places, new faces, same job, same desire to blow my brains all over the computer screen I sat in front of each and every day.
Walking away.
Rainbow corsets and Buddy Holly glasses.
Beautiful Disaster.
Reconnecting with Holli Day.
The Calgary International Airport.
Love.
Confusion, inner struggles, tears and red wine.
Skinny hazelnut lattes and banana chocolate chip cake.
One job, two jobs, three jobs, four.
Picking myself up from the floor.
Skype.
Hardwood floors, electric kettles and the smell of spring.
The green neon.
Greek Salad.
Dirty Dancing.
Butterflies.
Red wine, shisha and 5am.
Falling, falling…..
Love.
SK.
The smell of the streets.
Saying goodbye.
I Could Say.
TPR.
Vogue Slims and Cafri.
Saus.
Skype.
Broken Strings.
Desire.
The Heart of Life.
End of the tunnel.
Love.
Amy.
29.
Smashed and shattered.
SAIT.
Band-aids and broken hearts.
Brunches at Nellies.
A++.
Jimmer-jam.
BAM-BAM.
Set Adrift on Memory Bliss.
Hope.
Love.
Harley Quinn.
Emotional availability.
Truth or Dare.
Heartbreak Warfare.
Choices.
Questions.
Love.
Red and gold.
Cupcakes.
Resolutions.
Love.

I sit and stare at an empty page and long to pour a piece of me into it, onto it. But the words only come in snatches and slices…there is too much to say perhaps. Some might call over share, but so much of art is just that; vulnerability in the presence of fear. Delving into that part of humanity so that others can live through you. The dangers of voyeurism.

Patrick Marber wrote a play called Closer.
Anton DeGroot decided to direct it.
The Universe decided I should be in it.

Sarcasm is my second language. Self-deprecating humor is my first. But there is a time to be laid bare, and put aside the armor. To not only live in the present, but also, the past, as well as the future. To regret. To make mistakes. To make mistakes but not regret them. To wonder how it might have been. To know how you want it to be. To realize that neither may happen. To not be ok with that. To have things you still want to say. To not know exactly what they are…

2010 resolutions include but are not limited to the following:

-to make my home a place that feels like me
-to wear rhinestones as much as possible
-to re-watch seasons 1-6 of The Sopranos
-to love every pound on my 5’2 frame
-to not swear so fucking much
-to follow through…

Comments

Unknown said…
Why give up swearing? Saying FUCK atop of a mountain is truly one of the most satisfying things... except when you challenge the universe... It's ok though. I've never meet a tough 5'2" girl with as much attitude, sassy, and strength as you. yea. I want you to conquer the fucking universe with a glass of wine in your one hand, and an unwavering middle finger in the other.

Happy New Year babe... These experiences can only make us stronger =)

And congrats on finishing your first semester. I'm sure the gadgets were complicated and nothing less but my technologically impaired big sis must have dominated that shit like it ain't seen her coming ;)
January 1, 2010 at 6:24 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And so it goes…..

Image
The past few weeks have been a whirlwind, the kind that makes you feel exhilarated and high one minute, and downright nauseous the next. Life continues to surprise me, even in my old, old age. It’s always been my personal belief that unless you learn the lessons life throws your way the first time it does so, you will be forced/doomed to repeat your mistakes and learn those life lessons, over and over and over, with the stakes becoming higher and higher each time. The following is one life lesson I think I’ve finally learned. Nothing in life will ever happen the way you expect it to. Seriously. Ever. You can wrack your brain and exhausted every possible scenario that you ever imagine could possible be conceived. You will mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for every single one of these scenarios and arm yourself with the knowledge that your confidence, strength of character, and those deep breathing medititation exercises you spent the past 3 months honing will carry you through....
Read more

Just Sayin....

The air has become a thick wet blanket that lays over the city. The heat and humidity wrap around you as soon as you step outside and the smells that normally circulate the streets have become magnified and soupy. Rainy season is here. Went out for Mexican last night with some friends, and found myself sipping beer on the streets at 1am, smoking a cigarette and reminicing about Nirvana, Mos Def, Pearl Jam and MJ. The mosquitoes here are not normal mosquitoes. They are mutants sent from the planet Insect Revenge to wreak havoc on us poor unsuspecting expats, who foolishly did not stock up on OFF! prior to leaving their countries of origin. My students actually laughed at me and my swollen arms and ankles and two of them suggested rubbing kimchi on the bites themselves to help them disappear faster. I told them I was going to rub kimchi on their faces if they actually thought I would fall for that. The next day one of the girls brought me a bottle of lotion to help “not have red and puff...
Read more

Boys will be boys

I’m feeling pretty good about the fact that it’s Friday. This week was one of non-stop stress, climaxing yesterday evening with an incident in one of my classes, involving me, a group of four thirteen year old boys and a serious flashback to a memory of me in junior high school. In this memory, which took place on a Wednesday afternoon (funny how stuff like that sticks with you), I was late for class and running down the hallway. I passed by a group of guys I knew in passing, who were undoubtably skipping class, who proceeded to chase me down said hallway, barking at the top of their lungs. You know. Cause I’m ugly. Like a dog. Get it? I ended up missing class because I was holed up in the girl’s washroom, bawling my face off, and too scared to come out in case they were waiting for me outside the door. This is a moment for me; I’d just like to point out. I just revealed an incredibly humiliating memory, and am allowing myself to be brutally honest with the three of you who actually re...
Read more