Stephanie in Suwon

….officially. So what the fuck else is new though, really? Ahem... Weekend sum up: Tim Hortons. Glitter, feathers, corsets, high heels, high kicks, high, high, high…… Repeat. Gin, vodka, cranberry gingerale, Lucky Lager, Burt Reynolds in a shot glass. Repeat. Repeat. 2 hours of sleep…..in a sleeping bag…with no pillow…on the floor. Smitty’s. Value Village…..oh yes. Strippers at 4pm. Thinking….”I could do that….” Realizing…”I could do that….better…” Vodka and Red Bull. Duran Duran, Culture Club, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Billie Joel, Bon Jovi, The Police, Pat Benatar, Madonna, George Michael, Sting, Aerosmith….and MJ. Oh MJ…… Big hair, bad make-up, boobs, booty and a bunch of bad-ass chicks...rockin out. Gin. Gin. Gin. 3 hours of sleep…..in a sleeping bag….with no pillow…on the floor. Rain, rain, rain…..Tim Hortons…..the highway……. Home Sweet Home. Big smile. Big sigh. Back to reality. School is a blog for another time. For now, I am grateful for gin, girls and glitter…and John May...

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind, the kind that makes you feel exhilarated and high one minute, and downright nauseous the next. Life continues to surprise me, even in my old, old age. It’s always been my personal belief that unless you learn the lessons life throws your way the first time it does so, you will be forced/doomed to repeat your mistakes and learn those life lessons, over and over and over, with the stakes becoming higher and higher each time. The following is one life lesson I think I’ve finally learned. Nothing in life will ever happen the way you expect it to. Seriously. Ever. You can wrack your brain and exhausted every possible scenario that you ever imagine could possible be conceived. You will mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for every single one of these scenarios and arm yourself with the knowledge that your confidence, strength of character, and those deep breathing medititation exercises you spent the past 3 months honing will carry you through....

I’ve been trying hard to take it all in, the fact that this journey I started on 3 months ago….no…..2 years ago….is really coming to an end. I’m finding it difficult though, for some reason, to feel that, to know that. Today just feels like another day in Seoul. But it’s not. It’s my last day. My last day in Seoul. Walking home from dinner last night, I choose to put away my headphones and just listen to the sounds of the city as I made my way through the streets. Horns blaring and the whoosh and zoom of traffic, scooters zipping by with their put-put engine noises, and feeling the air around me shift and the sound barrier be broken as a Ducati flew past me, it’s wheels barely grazing the Seoul streets it honored with its presence. I listened to the sounds of drunken male voices, raised in good spirits and soaked with soju and kept my eyes on the sidewalk in front of me as I passed the business suit clad men who stared and shouted and stumbled towards me. I skirted the edges of the sid...

Rewind... How can a place that feels like a dream contain such harsh realities? How many ways can you lose yourself? How quickly can you forget who you are, how you are, what you are? How many ways can you love and loathe at the same time? How long will it be until you go, mercifully, numb? How did it come to this? And now…. Life in Technicolor. Sweat and shaky muscles. Peanut butter and banana. Joy. Laughter and longing. Iced vanilla lattes. Music and lyrics. Goodbyes…

Mr. Toombs, my fourth grade teacher, had decided that our class was going to raise butterflies as a science project. We watched our caterpillars eat, grow, wrap themselves up in their cocooned world and emerge triumphant; there was a sense of satisfaction at watching something ugly turn into something so beautiful. We had already released two of the three we had raised and were anxiously awaiting the arrival of the last one of our “pets”. We waited. And waited. There was a small crack in the cocoon and we could see movement coming from the inside if we watched closely but after 3 days, we were staring to get impatient. One of the boys in my class, Chaz, decided to help out our little friend and with the support of the rest of us he swiped an exato knife from the desk of our teacher and carefully, oh so carefully, enlarged the opening so as to assist the butterfly’s entrance to the world. The next morning we arrived in class to find our butterfly, the last butterfly, the butterfly we ha...

I haven’t been sleeping well as of late. And by as of late I mean since arriving in Seoul in May. I have slept all the way through the night approximately once since touching down. At first I chocked it up to nothing more than a severe case of jet lag, combined with the stress of starting a new job, and a fucking stressful job at that. Working for 14 hours a day might have enduced exhaustion in some but not this girl. Nope. Having to move 3 times in 2 months while hauling 2 suitcases, 1 backpack and an assload of emotional baggage also might have taken its toll on some. But not this girl. Watching the curtain close on yet another significant chapter in one’s life while being confronted with uncomfortable realities that one was seemingly unprepared for, might also have sent certain others into an emotional coma. But not this girl. I can’t sleep. And it’s starting to get to me. Last week I had one of the worst days I’ve ever had in Korea. It was Friday and after a (yet another) night of...

See you on the flip side my sister. Congrats. You survived. I love you.