Not smarter, just less stupid

I am soooo leaving in, like, a week. Like OMG!!
Letting go of possessions I’ve held onto for so long, and not feeling much at all is making me feel pretty good. Like I’ve grown or something.
Suppressing a panic attack when I realize that I won’t be able to buy my favorite shampoo after I’ve used up my supply is making me feel not so good. Like I’ve regressed or something.
I guess the important thing here is balance.

And speaking of things that forever seem beyond my reach, I’ve been contemplating this whole “relationship” concept that seems to be going around the universe these days. Is it just me or did things seem a hell of a lot easier when everyone knew that boys had cooties, girls were gross and that sticking to your side of the proverbial playground really worked best for everyone involved. When the acceptable form of courtship was to mercilessly pick on and humiliate the object of you affections? Ok, well maybe that last statement still holds true for some “grown-ups” but still……..

And the really stupid thing is, looking around, it really doesn’t seem like many of us have moved past the junior high mindset in regards to relationships. Our dealings with the opposite sex, hell the same sex, are still fraught with communication errors, misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations and dramatic endings. Clubs and bars have replaced streamer-strewn gymnasiums; water cooler chats and conversations over martinis have replaced whispered exchanges over fries in the school cafeteria. Yet we’ve introduced new ideas and notions such as sex, living together, marriage, etc. into our relationships as we’ve gotten older but seemingly, not any wiser. Seriously, when did this happen? When did everything get so complicated? As someone who is in a pretty serious relationship herself, these questions along with many others are becoming more and more important to me as my desire to make this one work grows stronger. And watching the people in my life, from best friend to casual acquaintance juggling their own version of a relationship, non-relationship, or lack there of, dealing with new love, old love, heartache or rapture, and the mind-boggling array of tactics, tricks, methods and approaches to dealing with it all, it never ceases to amaze me. All of it. The whole fucking thing.

Last summer I attended my first ever wedding, yes, it’s true. And this summer, less then one year from that day, I am witnessing my first divorce. Also true. And sad. It’s scary how as we get older the stakes get higher but many of us are still just as confused as to how to make one of these things work as we were back then.
But wait, wait a minute.
As bewildering as it all seems at times, we all seem to be still hanging in there. Some of us by a thread at times, but we’re still there. So what if we’ve replaces the water in our bottles with vodka? Everyone drinks their problems away at some point in their lives right?
No? Well, crap.
And we all reach a point when we’ve recovered enough to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and head back into the fray. Again and again. Relationships can be one of the truest tests of a person’s inner strength, and I am proud to say I know a few people whose inner strength could kick your ass. I should know. I’m one of them.
So as I prepare to depart for what should be a pretty big relationship test of my own, I can draw on the experiences I’ve lived through, those closest to me have lived through and use that knowledge to make a difference. Hopefully a good one. Because although I don’t really think I’m smarter, I can say that I’m a little less stupid then I was once upon a time……..



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