Where is my mind?

With limited time left in the city that seems to be blowing out instead of up, trying to cram a years worth of “quality time” with family and friends presents an issue. Plays, parties, BBQ’s, dates with friends, family time, not to mention packing, shopping, moving, and drinking heavily, all while trying to focus on the fact that your life is about to change shape dramatically so as once it does in fact happen, your not a weeping, shaky mess huddled on the floor rocking back and forth crying for mommy.
Not that that would ever happen to me. I’m far too sophisticated and together for that.

But I digress.

This past weekend was jam-packed, as usual, but this one had a slightly different feel to it. Friday night found me rushing home to have a phone date with a friend who lives in Vancouver. It amazes me sometimes how in spite of being in very different places in life, there are some friends that just feel like home. A very organized, strictly controlled, neat and tidy, on schedule home, but home none the less. After talking with Kelly, I went to the gym and got to thinking while on the treadmill, running like the trained hamster I’ve become. Thinking about where I was when Kel and I met, physically, emotionally, mentally. Where I am now.
In case any of you were wondering where I was at 6am on Saturday morning, you can now rest easy, the mystery will now be solved. Spolumbo’s Fine Foods and Deli, one of the few things that has been a rock for me during my life here in Calgary, and my 7 year on-and-off, full-time and part-time employment with them will be coming to an end August 18th. Weird. Sipping tea in the early light of day, looking out the familiar windows to the familiar street, I thought about my first summer here, how quickly everything became common place, comfortable and habitual. Wondering if my new job might ever feel like that.
Sunday night found me in one of my favorite places. Surrounded by loud funky music, and a group of ladies that I love and adore, a martini haze and a few shots of gin, a little bit of girl talk and a whole lot of laughing. Drinks at 8pm turned into a 4am trip to Macs for drunk snacking and falling into bed shortly after content in the knowledge that tomorrow’s big event would be dinner with the family in the late afternoon. Don’t you just LOVE long weekends?
I never once throughout the evening stopped to think about the fact that this might well be my last girl’s night out in a long long time.
But I defiantly thought about it the next day. And trying to find time to have dinner with my brother and his girlfriend suddenly involved me checking my day timer and realizing that with 2 flips of the page, I would be in Korea.

So what? Over thinking much? Or just trying to savor the moments I have with loved ones and familiar places, faces, even voices?

I have always been a sentimental person, but lately I’m finding myself getting on my own nerves with the amount of schmaltziness going on in my own head. And in that same moment I tell myself to cut me some slack, and let me feel whatever I want to right now. That all of my feelings are valid and if I learned to accept each one as they came I might actually enjoy my last few weeks in Calgary and not stress out so much. And then there is a pause and I can hear someone pretending to vomit at the touchy feely-ness of it all and then a voice telling me to suck it up princess and get done what I need to do. And then I hear a sigh and someone saying that they can see and hear anger right now and would I like to talk it through. And in the next moment I remember that I better not tell anyone that I have voices in my head, not only giving me insight into my own life, but arguing with each other about how to do so.
Does any of this really come as a shock to any of you? Didn’t think so.
By the way, 4 days of work left. The champagne is being chilled as I write.


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